Sometimes I feel like I can write a book, or at least a lengthy blog entry, about How Not To Be a Successful Blogger. The first chapter would be “Stop and Restart Your Blog At Least Twice a Year”. My sophomore book would be How To Have As Little Social Media Followers As Possible, with “Change Your Username Every Other Month” as the opening chapter.
I started this blog back in 2003. The ten years since have been full of false starts. Good intentions gone awry. Over the years I’ve contemplated giving up many, many times. Wouldn’t it be easier to just go to work, come home and chill with my family, without some pipe dream hanging over my head? Flip through fashion magazines and watch reality t.v. in my free time instead of racking my brain for new blog posts? But no matter how hard I try to let go of my dreams, my dreams won’t let go of me. So I dust myself off and try again.
I’ve stopped and started so many times that I feel like I’m failing. Flailing. I don’t know what I’m doing. It’s a bunch of trial and error. Mostly error. And, truthfully, sometimes I get embarrassed about how little I have to show for a decade of blogging. And although none of this seems to stop me in my pursuit, it doesn’t make me feel any less of a failure. But then I read this quote on Twitter or Facebook or somewhere:
Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow. – M. Radmacher
And I felt like, Huh. I do think it takes some courage to keep on keeping on, failure after failure. To pick yourself up for the fifteenth time and believe that the sixteenth time’s the charm. To power through the discouragement and doubt I face each day, pursuing a dream I’ve had since the sixth grade. And suddenly I don’t feel so much like a failure anymore.