Happy 1st Birthday, Bugaboo!

Last week, while going over the checklist for your birthday party, Daddy and I were talking about how we couldn't believe you were turning one year old already. At one point during our conversation Daddy looked over at me and asked, "Are you crying?" I couldn't help it. Every time I think of you turning one, my eyes start stinging with tears. My little baby is becoming a little girl.



You were born a year ago today, though it seems like just yesterday or last week or something. You were five weeks early and we so weren't ready. That was the first sign of how you were going to turn our world upside down. I still remember every moment so vividly, from the sensation of you leaving my body, to me simultaneously laughing and crying my eyes out the moment I first laid eyes on you. Then you were taken away from me and admitted to the NICU, and the following two weeks were the hardest of my life. During your first days in the world I couldn't hold you, cuddle you, kiss you. I could only touch you through the openings of the incubator. My heart broke with every moment that was stolen from us.

Even in those early days, every single NICU nurse described you as feisty. You often screamed when we weren't by your side and more than once you pulled your feeding tube right out of your nose. When we finally got you home, you continued to prove how feisty you were. I think you wanted the whole world know how unhappy you were to be evicted from the womb so early. We got the message loud and clear. Those first couple of months were so, so tough. But each time we neared the breaking point, your smile or your touch or even just the smell of your neck or the sight of your tiny toes gave us the strength to face one more day. We just took it one day at a time. And even when you eventually got used to life outside the womb, you continued to turn our world upside down.

I like to write about your crazy ass on my website. One day when you're older you might read everything I've written, and you might wonder why it seems like I'm always putting you on blast. I admit, sometimes it seems like I'm always complaining. What can I say? I like to vent. I like to reach out and connect with other parents who can relate to how hard parenthood is. But really? That's only one small fraction of the whole story. The bigger picture - the greatest way you've turned my world upside down - is how you've made me fall head over heels in love with you.

Sure you cry a lot. But there's this fake cry you do, where only one side of your face cries with one eye shut and the other wide open, that turns me into a puddle of mush every single time. Sure you're clingy. But there's no better feeling in the world than of your tiny arms wrapped tightly around my neck, your little head resting on my shoulder, hearing your frantic cries of "MA MA MA MA MA MA!!!!" because you only want Mama. Sure you have a bad temper. Which you got from your Mama. But you're also funny as hell. You have a larger than life personality. And you're very generous with the slobbery kisses you plant on me every morning. I'd say you are a pretty good mix of sweet and sour.

So when you're older and you notice I always busted you out on my website, also notice how 99.5% of what I write is about you. You're my heart, angel cakes. So what if you're crazy like your Mama? Normal is boring. I wouldn't change you for the world. Happy 1st Birthday to my crazy ass Bugaboo. You've come a long way, baby.

Labels: parent 'hood